Breaking

Fragmentation, Memory

sudden curtainrise and faces applauding and i hold on to a wall sudden as i walk to tell myself this true loss this is true sudden insurrections and truths unbound moss drop inherent in white hovering flight black cloud intensely pleading precipitates gorge yellow bile fever dance loveless rain this loveless rain suddenly one morning alone all alone sea of stubbed toes and mud creatures suddenly one morning alone all alone not seeing a day blinking by in the blue this lonesome rain trains will leave and leave again in sorrow leave leaving empty stations and faces and hungry cavities in the body and this whiteness the amazing grace of eyes and eyes and the crowd on the crossing somersaults endlessly the day turning over eventless hours and clocks brittle china my mouth dries blood spots on walls and trees stripped bare thorny hollows bells ripping up skin stony walls stony walls friendless and grey suddenly one morning nothingness hits the sky with a thud the earth splitting and folding up this nothingness sudden all alone song one morning frost in my old city my old city Calcutta frost and blood in Calcutta the city bicycles by back in town old university town the cobblestones and cafes this is not it this laughter this mistake this torn-out nipple this is not it the vagina is not a flower and sorrow is not a flower and alone is not a flower perhaps an old friend will walk by walk by and old friend in my city Calcutta my city Calcutta and old friend walk by and give me smiles and a touch reminiscent touch reminiscent touch me reminiscence how are there so many strangers in a city i miss the small town strange small town strange country of snow take me take me wine and song and french-windowed libraries he comes running at me and puts my hands in his pockets short toothy smile and old man eyes what have i lost evensong church towers spire bare branches and this sudden morning of frost all alone in Kolkata nevermore nevermore nevermore to die endlessly pleasuring you to die evermore

to simply close my
eyes
and not be
never again be

a morning or an hour alone nevertheless you have left like all others sinless nights to die endless finish finally all this rain all these feckless words

i see you red crumpled umbrella
i see you little green ponytail
i see you maroon scared eyes
i see you skirt and foreign glance
i see in your eyes your strange city
this city strange that you see
i was born
born weightless born wrong

the phone rings but it is not for me
loveless ring
ringing in the rain

what i give is replenished
what i give is endlessly replenished

a night falling in love
a night falling out of love
a night falling out

life behind that door
you interminably falling out
a chequebook balanced

what to do when endless is over

little sparrow i see you
dyslexia hits me in your flight
don’t look at me strangers
i don’t know you
i don’t know any of you

laughing the two of you
this happy morning not alone
wiping rainy specs
middle-age full
i see you

such pretty days
such pretty days
i see you

i see you

don’t blink