1.

Today again I saw the chill of winter
I was a fossil of amber again

You were the freeze of ages
and I the dead thaw of moments

My benumbed fingers once more touched the surface of your ice
desperate attempts to put leftovers of warmth in you

Trying to hold the sheen of your yellow
I touch the hoofs of humanity till night came

and the sheen slipped through my fingers
as faithlessly as it had sneaked in

and smiled onto me from behind your shoulder
from the moon, a sad smile — fate recurrent.

2.

The intensity of passion
between you and me
has reached such heights
that any bond is distance.

The drought stricken land
shatters the first drop of rain
on mere touch

dryness of ages refuses
to absorb it __ a gentle touch
it has always waited for

All this for moments only

It is those moments
which have en-stoned
you and me for eternity

That is why we have to be
faithless to each other

That is how we can
love each other

3.

Today I froze you in time
I froze the absence
that binds me to you.

I froze it – for it not to
carry time with it.

I froze the thought, the feel
that made you the person
whose absence I needed
to freeze.

I froze it so that I stay
with the absence that
makes me love you.

4.

Tonight I again slept with your ghost
you still had no distinct face
I still couldn’t gather
your being in my arms
you were again lost.

I was again lost in the vastness
of the three feet broad bed.
The storm again blew the bridge
and the boat of my glance was
again swallowed by the sea.

I was cold and shivering throughout
the night. Either you or I or both have
been dead since long.

5.

She had said – “ male tears ” – are precious
I don’t want to lock any treasures,
tonight I want to weep.

I want to weep for everything
that is me now – that me which I knew
that me which you uncovered.

I want to weep for my inability
to have wept all these years
I want to weep to wash away
all the coloured threads of you
in me.

I want to weep because that is
the only way I can love you and
the impossibility of the love which
was born only because it’s death
preceded it.

6.

Now – I sit like a hawk banishing all thoughts
for I fear the most intimate of them.
I fear the awareness of solidity which once was
or – I thought I had.

Brittleness so tender – my fear did not flow with
the shattering that your entry made possible
I fear the ghosts of my dimensions looming large
over the shattered glass.

I don’t know of a loss or a gain I am in no position
to say that; even the words written on this piece of
paper have become a matter of fact ——-

7.

I sweat by the bed near your body
which tastes so salty

skin turns thick and sensibility looses
its plunge,

warmth is heat and intimacy
just being there.

Moss creeps in like clothes around you
and words loose coherence.

I finally realize that I have lost you

8.

Whenever I am on the roof top of my house, I am on the ground and my SELF on the roof.
The city is spread like the set of an infant designer,

puppets stroll here and there – knowing not to go where. There are those who pretend to rule and there are those who pretend to be ruled.

There are those who pretend to please and those who pretend to be pleased.

When I focus my eyes sharply I face a recessive desire of uprising against their trader.

And on looking more keenly everything fades and a hazy screen appears as if my glasses are misted.

I find myself on the bus stop waiting for the bus to come and it will come WILL COME WILL COME.