By: Shreedevi Naitr-Pal

Shreedevi Naitr-Pal — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 09:17:47 +0000

I have always disliked – no that’s too mild a word – hated – Rama and wondered why so many people here would worship him as the ‘Marydapurusha’. If what he did is maryada, I certainly want none of it. A Ramrajya where a woman gets no respect is not the utopia that it is trumped up to be.
Also, there are some blacks and whites left where morality is concerned. Rama has blurred the lines that divide the two. If you know something is true you fight for it. Rama knew even before the agnipaksha that Sita would have been loyal to him. But he put her through the ordeal anyway. I am sure that is when she lost her love for him. To add insult to injury he throws her out, innocent and pregnant and I do not care how many times he may have cried, because his idea of morality is false. To him something is true only if it is seen to be true by his people. By that token, his Ramrajya would have been a vicious place to live in – where any husband could question a wife’s chastity and throw her out if his neighbour said that she was unchaste. He knew that he was doing the wrong thing when he sent her away but because Sita was not in a position to assert herself then,and being Rama’s wife and dependent on him in every which way, she had to leave. If Rama could force an ‘agnipariksha ‘ on Sita, why did he not go through one himself? He was free to do what he wanted in the years that Sita was cloistered in Lanka. Sita never asked for an agniparksha because she could not be assertive enough to ask for it.
And what is Sita’s mistake? It was to sacrifice her whole life for a shallow solipsistic character like Rama. This is a mistake that so many of us women make even today. No man however loving will ever give up his right to think for himself, forge a career for himself, be himself. Our stupid Hindi serials even today expect the wife to meekly put up with all the problems that are deliberately put in her way – these serials are after all only a reflection of society and they reinforce the idea of the wife being literally and metaphorically a doormat. A woman gives up her identity, her wishes, her hopes, her career – even educated women – to follow their husbands around. It is high time that we learned from Sita’s fate and gave our daughters the right to dream of being truly independent and self-sufficient, so that when she gets married, marriage does not dominate her entire existence! So that if something happens to the relationship she has the education, the experience and the strength to move on.
Rama in spite of all the angst that he is said to have displayed – I emphasise ‘displayed’ – when Sita was thrown out, did not once revisit his behaviour, and I dare say, till the day he died, he would have felt that he had done the right thing. By calling such a man ‘maryadapurush’ we as a people have compromised our women. Rama certainly has a lot to answer for!

Comments on: Lost Loves: Arshia Sattar

By: Shreedevi Naitr-Pal